i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
