i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
