I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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