this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
