I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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