I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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