just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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