The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
