And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
