i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
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yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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