Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
