Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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