I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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