just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
