dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
