I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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