You're completely useless in the revolution.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just puked most of my soul out..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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