i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
