And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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