I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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