I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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