The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize