I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
