I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
