Sponge bath it is.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
