Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just gift wrapped bread.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
