Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
