i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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