speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
