I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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