someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
