I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
