Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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