why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
