I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
