I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
