my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
