Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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