im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
