My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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