Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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