I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
