If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
