i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
