If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
