He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
