I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize