I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
