hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
