He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
