Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
