just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
