I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
