the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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