Need sex. Gaining weight.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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