good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
