Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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