mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
