i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
