we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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