Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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